A moment to reflect

Its been so long since my last post because I have been so busy with school I haven't even been able to think about posting.  Now that I am finally done shooting my first film project I have a little time to breathe and do some self-reflection.  A few weeks ago I asked myself, what the hell am I learning here?  But as soon as I was about to begin my first film shoot everything that they have been teaching us in class seemed more relevant then ever.  The one piece of advise they gave to us before we went on our shoot is to be nice to your crew on set because your reputation is the most important thing to maintain even more than the work that you produce at this point.  Its no surprise to me that the people who don't pay attention in class or show up late, are the same people who people end up having problems with when it comes to production.  I have to say that the 7 years of real world experience has prepared me for this fishbowl group mentality situation.  At the end of the day, my motivation and purpose is the same and not anyone or anything can take away focus of that.  It’s not about where you are, but your state of mind and how you decided to handle yourself in situation is what defines your experiences.  Although I am one of the oldest people in my first year program, I can honestly say I wouldn't have been emotionally or mentally prepared for this adventure anytime sooner.  

I definitely lucked out with my production team that I am working with.  We are 5 totally different people from different life experiences that bring different strengths to the table.  It’s been really fun working with them.  My crew and myself worked really hard to bring my vision to life, but this is filmmaking and anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  

I was really happy with the story by the time I was ready to shoot, although like anything, just because you may have a clear understanding, doesn't mean that it translates to screen very well.   By the end of the first shooting day, I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted!  I wasn’t even able to articulate how I felt at the time, because I really just needed to rest.  Someone asked me, how my first day was, and I said, "It was rough".  He asked me if I at least had fun and I that’s when it hit me.  Filmmaking is supposed to be fun!  We aren't curing cancer and we aren't saving lives.  I am supposed to be having fun!  Why else would I be here?  So I made some minor adjustments for the next day's shoot and decided I was going to have fun and make sure my crew is also having fun.  Needless to say, we got through a lot more shots than expected and we laughed all the way through it!  There were some shots that I wasn't able to get because of time or because of limited amount of film, but I think that will always be the case when you are making movies.  

Now that my shoot is out of the way we have everyone else’s shoot to do in the group.  We have a really good momentum happening in the group and we all work really well together.  I am enjoying the time I am in school and I feel like I am learning so much.  I find myself missing my teachers and missing being in class.  Singapore may not be the place for me, but NYU has proven to be where I am supposed to be.  

A few things I learned.

1. The first shot will always take the longest to set up.  

2. No matter how much you think a shot is easy to get, it isn't!  

3. It will rain, so just suck it up and get over it.  

4. You will always feel like you need more! More people, more money, more film...

5. The director sets the tone of the set.

6.  Have fun!

What the #$% did I get myself into???

My hesitation for Singapore finally became clear during our last day of orientation when we had a panel discussion about censorship and met with a police officer to talk about Singapore laws.  I moved from San Francisco, one of the most progressive cities in the United States.  In Singapore, I feel like I stepped back into time to a place where discrimination against homosexuality and selected culture groups is the norm.  I guess I could go to some parts of the United States and feel the same way, but the way people are casually upfront about it is slightly disturbing.  Weather direct discrimination verses indirect discrimination is better could be debated.  Either way, I continue to remind myself that this is not my country and I am a foreigner.  I may not understand Singapore culture, but I need to respect it, because I chose to live here. I can’t have an intellectual discourse about anything until I know a lot more about it and my 3 or 4 weeks here, doesn’t exactly earn me that privilege yet.  I can say that there is no way I would have ever picked Singapore as a place to live on my own and at this point I don’t see myself staying here after graduation.  Although I can’t say that all Singaporean laws are too strict because it’s one of the safest and cleanest places to live in the world.

However, while some Singapore censorship seem to culturally suppress freedom of speech, were reassured by our faculty and staff that NYU Tisch Asia is a censorship free zone.  During the 2^nd day of orientation, we got to speak to and introduce ourselves to the film department faculty.  Wendy Bednarz, one of the 1^st year faculty members took us through an overview of what our first year would consist of.  There are a number of things that she said during her talk that really resonated with me.

1.  Use your energy for positive things

2. Figure out what your resources are.

3.  Be brave enough to make mistake

4. Time management is really important

The Arrival

 I didn't start panicking about moving away until the day before I was about to leave.  I turned to my cousin Ntanya and said, "OK, I am officially really nervous."  It was the first moment of real doubt and fear I have had about the whole thing.  As I said my goodbyes Ayoka whispered in my ear, you got this, you can do this and that was exactly what I needed to hear to get me on the damn plane.   This is what I have wanted to do for so long so just suck it up and do it! Once I got on the plane, I treated the trip like any other plane trip so I wouldn't freak myself out too much.   I continued to have this same strategy for the days that followed. Every day when I wake up I make a miscellaneous list of things I need to get done for myself.  Today, I had a shopping list; get mouthwash and facial wash and universal chargers.  There something about checking off these simple items off my list that give me a sense of accomplishment.  Because my life is in such flux and in such uncertainty right now I guess it’s nice to be able to handle the mundane things. 

The first thing I did when I got here was go to the school and meet up with a few of my classmates.  I met about 20 people and can't remember any of their names.  I hung out with a lot of them for the remainder of the evening.  I started to feel fatigued and jet lagged by dinner time and I managed to stay up until 8pm.  I still feel like I am just visiting and not living here but I guess that will change when I get my own place.  

The housing process requires much patience on my part.  I don't have a roommate yet and I still need to set up a Singapore Bank Account, but it’s the logistics of still needed to get my atm card that is the huge drawback at this point.  I keep reminding myself I just got here a few days ago and I really need to just give myself a break. Reaching out to my fellow classmates has been very valuable and something that helps put things in perspective, because we are all pretty much in the same boat.  

Today was the most fun I have had here so far.   Invited Eduardo, a guy I hung out with the day before, to dinner that evening.   Throughout the day I met up with other people and told a number of people about the dinner and Bumsue also decided to come. We both waited for Eduardo to come, but who ended up showing up was Eric.  Apparently when both Eric and Eduardo called me to give me their phone numbers the night before I mixed up the two numbers in my phone, so when I originally text Eduardo, I was really texting Eric.  Because Bumsue was expecting Edward I couldn't really play it off so I had to tell both of them what I had done.  We all got a really good laugh about it and I explained that this situation was just an example of the many situations that ends up happening to me.  Despite the awkward Martinaism moment, we had a fun time at dinner and decided to go see the fireworks downtown for Singapore’s National Day Festival.  It was my first time downtown to get a good look at the amazing architecture and famous buildings Singapore is most known for.  It was a good night!

 I am not sure how I feel about Singapore yet and I'm not sure how I feel about living here.  However, I can say that I am excited to be in this program with a number of really talented people who share the same passion as I do for film.  I knew that coming into this program I would encounter people much younger than myself, but I also knew they would be teaching me as many things as I would be able to teach them.  That is exciting and I look forward to working with these students.  The idea of being able to just create a body of work that represents my point of view is utterly exciting.